by Susan R. Young
I’ve been studying a cutting-edge communication and conflict resolution model called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. DBT addresses communication and listening skills, mindfulness, rapport and Emotional Intelligence (compassion, empathy and assertive communication). In a book titled Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook, the authors identify 10 ways that people sabotage their effective listening abilities.
Do these Listening Blocks sound familiar to you?
1. Mind reading. Assuming you know what the other person feels and thinks without asking.
2. Rehearsing. Planning what you want to say next and missing what’s being said now.
3. Filtering. Listening only to things that are relevant to you and ignoring the rest (even if it’s important to the other person.
4. Judging. Evaluating the other person and what they say rather than really trying to understand how they see the world.
5. Daydreaming. Getting caught in memories or fantasies while someone is talking to you.
6. Advising. Looking for suggestions and solutions instead of listening and understanding.
7. Sparring. Invalidating the other person by arguing and debating.
8. Being right. Resisting or ignoring any communication that suggests you are wrong or should change.
9. Derailing. Flat out changing the subject as soon as you hear anything that bothers or threatens you.
10. Placating. Agreeing too quickly (“I know …you’re right…I’m sorry”) without really listening to the other person’s feelings or concerns.
Guilty??? Not to worry. Being aware of your own habits and these 10 blocks can help to improve your listening skills. To me, the best gift you can give someone is the gift of your attention.
Susan Young works with business professionals and nonprofits who want to use publicity to increase their visibility, credibility and revenues. She’s the President of Get in Front Communications, Inc., a public relations and communications training company. Coaching is also available. Visit www.getinfrontblogging.com and www.getinfrontcommunications.com. Follow Susan on Twitter @sueyoungmedia.
